five-minute shark training lessons! watching from the bank of some grey mix between an ocean and a river, i observed a series of cheezy tourists in company life jackets take turns going through their newly acquired skills of shark-taming. one by one, each pair--shark and handler--waded down the stream. the human would start off by mounting the shark from behind, flipping it over like a lifeguard rescue maneuver--one hand on the back of its neck, one on its chest--then cooing to the supine sea-creature to coax it into relaxation. after his or her sucessful two-minute demonstration, the accomplished shark-trainer would bounce along, shark assistant in arms, to return his life-vest to the instructor staff.
i decided to sign up for this with an unidentifiable friend. i sat down with my instructor, who placed a large plastic box on the table between us. as she opened the box to reveal the creature i would be working with, i looked upon a dark green monster--a sphere shaped, wart covered head that opened half way to reveal two semi-circles of what looked like tiny rocks for teeth atop an elongated tube body with snake-like limbs. i remember being weirded out to the max. my feelings only worsened when the creature began to speak in an unintelligable gargle and point to a particular tooth--he had a toothache.

later i tried to park my car inside of a snoball stand.

i was lounging in a steamy spa jacuzzi with an older, white-haired man (grandpa age). among the buttons that controlled the jets was one that would turn on and off a steady stream of fish. along with the relaxing bubbles came the massaging effect of thousands of tiny fish bumping into our legs.